It's so interesting and hits my heart and soul like a sledgehammer that this is still the same loop that I'm traveling in.
I wonder what I was so upset about back then?
I remember this night.
We drove around in allie's bmw and screamed over and over "lets die!"
"You are so much better than you think you are."
That is what she says to me.
I am so much better than I think I am?
So everyone says.
I am so much better than I think I am.
(had to practice typing that)
I know one person that would say that I am so much worse than I think I am.
That is the crux of my soul.
that teeter-totter.
Am I better or am I worse?
Anyway you cut it, I'm the one in the dark about me.
I want to know how good I am
and
I want to know how bad I am.
I hate molly coddling, I hate people not telling the truth.
I hate when I don't tell the truth.
It erodes reality.
As reality goes, so goes the self.
I don't know what this all adds up to other than I've gotta stop being upset, for a extended period of time.
Upset about myself upset abt other stuff.
Fuck'um, they're not you and you're not them.
Allie was right.
It's a good mantra.
